If you give a Klingon a cookie
by vampiremoon22
Summary: What happens when you give a Klingon a cookie? Read and find out!  1 shot


Hi, me again. I wrote this story mainly to amuse my brother. He told me I should post it here. Anyhow, it's just for fun. Don't take it seriously.

-Vampiremoon 22

If you give a klingon a cookie...

If you give a klingon a cookie- he'll probably ask if he can have another. If you give him another cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. He will drink half and ask for yet another cookie. Chocolate chip, as that is his favorite. Then more milk, more cookies, etc. until your cookies and milk are gone. :(

He will then return to his quarters and sleep. He will inevitably dream of cookies. He will wake up halfway through the night with a craving for still more chocolate (and potato chips with pickles and ice cream.) Be careful, as this could potentially be an early warning sign of klingon pregnancy. Scary! . .)

The klingon will then stumble to ten forward, looking to satisfy his voracious appetite. He will order every dessert item on the menu, then cry when you run out of whipped cream. So you use the replicator to create more. Your klingon watches and learns how to use the replicator. Then, he uses it to create still more desserts.

Having eaten his fill (more than 2 hours later), he walks back to his quarters to go to sleep. His waist size has increased by several inches, but he thinks nothing of it. When your klingon wakes in the morning, he will of course be hungry once more. He will soon discover that he has a replicator installed in his own quarters. This will make klingon very happy. He will dance... And maybe sing a little.' You may have to calm the klingon down before he can continue with his day.

The klingon goes to work that morning. Despite jokes from various other crew members, he will sail through his day happily, knowing he can have more nom when he returns to his quarters. This behavioral pattern continues for a few weeks. Eventually though, klingon can no longer fit into the turbolift to get to the bridge to perform his duties. This is where the captain and medical officer must step in.

The captain orders the replicator to be taken out of klingon's room. Klingon cries, and throws a fit. After being repremanded for his tantrum, klingon is sent to sit in the corner alone for an hour. During this time, klingon pouts.

The chief medical officer puts klingon on a diet in which he must only eat vegetables. Klingon becomes grumpy and depressed. He no longer smiles or makes fun of the android when he doesn't understand a joke. The klingon becomes sullen and unresponsive to anything. The captain may have to take him off duty.

Klingon, being depressed, gets even more depressed and cries loudly whenever he sees fellow crew members eating good foods- fruits, meats, chocolate! Your klingon may go crazy. Eventually, he may attack a crew member to steal their food. The crew member he attacks will most likely be the conselor while she is eating a dessert, a chocolate sundae.

The captain will confine him to quarters. And the doctor will examine a blood sample from klingon. She will discover that klingon has had a reaction to the original chocolate you gave him in the cookie. The chocolate is mutating his brain and blood cells, making klingon addicted to all kinds of chocolate (even Romulan ale chocolate. {Don't ask- we **don't** wanna go there.} )

Klingon is assigned a chaperone to be with him at all times. The chaperone, (most likely the android because he can beat klingon up if need be) is to make sure klingon sticks to his vegetable diet and takes his medicine. The medicine is to help klingon recover from chocolate addiction as well as to cure the brain and blood cells affected from it. Klingon will whine and cry when taking the medication and complain it hurts. (It won't hurt your klingon, it's a hypospray.)

Be careful in treating klingon. He may relapse. Take care to not give him chocolate during this time. Be sure to thoroughly read the side of his Klingon Kibble bag as there could be hidden ingredients.

From now on, all chocolate that comes aboard your ship will have to be scanned to make sure it is pure. The evil chocolate you gave klingon had been unknowingly tainted by the Ferengi. They wished to drive klingon mad enough to kill everyone on the ship so they could sneak aboard and steal all your cheese and have it for their very own. (Because, as everyone knows, Ferengi cheese is terrible! Even thinking about it- EW! NO! *shudders*) (*coughs* "A-hem.")

When klingon gets better,

("Exactly 10 days, 17 hours..."

"Thank you Data..."

"Of course Sir. 39 minutes..."

"Data?"

"57 seconds..."

"Mr. Data!"

"Four milliseconds... *continues babbling.*)

Yeah... when klingon gets better, you can slowly re-introduce him to the other klingons. He may act childish, (even for a klingon) and throw things for awhile, but he should be 100% better. He will have no memory of the incident with the chocolate unless you mention it to him. In which case klingon will go into a rage and sadly, may have to be put down. This is rare, but it does occur. Always take care in protecting your klingon. And whatever you do, DON'T GIVE HIM (or her) A CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE!

Did you like it? If so, please comment. Thanks.

-Vampiremoon 22


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